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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23255812">Soak</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/CharlieFenwick/pseuds/CharlieFenwick'>CharlieFenwick</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/F, F/M, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-03-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-03-22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 16:48:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>13,970</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23255812</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/CharlieFenwick/pseuds/CharlieFenwick</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Summer 1995. The Order of Phoenix is back in action and Severus is back to being a double agent.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Minerva McGonagall/Severus Snape</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>20</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A/N: Soak is a companion story to Ache. It can be read alone, or as part of the series. Please note that although this series is based in cannon, I have taken certain liberties with the story. I do not Harry Potter, it's world, or the characters contained within. Thank you for reading!</p><p>Ache: Halloween 1981 - Spring 1995 - Available now!</p><p>Soak: Summer 1995</p><p>Ignite: Fall 1995 - Spring 1996</p><p>Damp: Summer 1996</p><p>Flare: Fall 1996 - Spring 1997</p><p>Burn: The story of how Minerva received her Dark Mark</p><p>Glow: The Minister's Inauguration</p><p>Wet: Summer 1997</p><p>Ash: Minerva, post battle of Hogwarts</p><p>Brand: The story of how Severus received his Dark Mark</p><p>Chill: Fall 1997 - Spring 1998</p><p>XXXXXXXXXXXX</p><p>
  <strong>31 July, 1995</strong>
</p><p>It had rained. Hard. And Minerva had spent the last hour in the rain. She'd been on stakeout in London when a squall grew suddenly in the sky. She had been in her animagus form so she'd sought cover under a small box until a shop owner had shooed her off. Minerva had next hid under a dumpster in an alley and had carefully followed her mark from the small bistro until he entered the Leaky Cauldron.</p><p>She couldn't follow him there without being followed. They had eyes in the Leaky Cauldron so Minerva knew he was being watched. She had a meeting with the Board of Governor's in the morning and her paws were getting cold so she decided to call it a day. With a small pop she disappeared from the wet street and reappeared in front of 12 Grimmauld Place.</p><p>Minerva walked up the stairs and knocked. She disliked that she couldn't open the door on her own. She knew it was a safety precaution, but it left her feeling like she had a distinct lack of privacy. As an incredibly private person, she was grateful that Grimmauld place was at least large enough to afford her her own private rooms. But it was hard to stay hidden in the house. Sirius Black was desperate for company and felt trapped. The entire Weasley clan had moved in. And between all the various Order members that were using it as a safe house, it had become crowded.</p><p>Minerva had volunteered to set up a sleeping chart to assign rooms and create some order. She'd volunteered so she could ensure she and Severus had rooms next to one another. It would make it easier to slip in and out of one another's rooms. His room had it's own bath so she was more than happy to take advantage of using the large, claw foot bath in it. But before she could relax, she would need to get in to the house.</p><p>Minerva hesitated to knock again lest she awaken Mrs Black. There was certainly no love lost between Minerva McGonagall and Walburga Black. They'd had a complicated history that had been exasperated by Sirius and Regulus Black.</p><p>But as the wind swept down the street and Minerva felt the chill she decided it was worth knocking again. She raised her hand and was about to rap again when the door swung up to reveal Remus Lupin.</p><p>"Remus," Minerva smiled politely.</p><p>"How many house points did you take after you caught us hosting an illegal speakeasy?" Remus asked as he pointed his wand at her.</p><p>"One hundred points a piece," Minerva replied. "What was your punishment?"</p><p>"A month of detention working in the kitchens without magic," Remus replied.</p><p>He opened the door and offered to take her coat.</p><p>"Come in, you look soaked," he said as he cast a quick drying charm on her muggle coat.</p><p>"Thank you," she replied as she removed her shoes. "I'm going to head upstairs and get dry."</p><p>"Yes," Lupin said as he watched her standing there, dripping all over the floor and looking uncharacteristically disheveled.</p><p>"Dinner is at six," he said as she made her way up the stairs.</p><p>She crept by the portrait of Mrs Black and quickly collected a dressing gown and a change of clothes from her rooms. Opening the door to her rooms she glanced up and down the hallway to ensure she was alone. She quickly and quietly made her way to Severus's door and let herself in. She softly closed the door behind her and breathed a sign of relief.</p><p>She found herself face to face with Sirius Black.</p><p>"What are you doing here?" She demanded.</p><p>"I live here," he said flatly. He eyed the dressing gown and change of clothes and added, "What are you doing here?"</p><p>"Why are you in Severus's room?" Minerva said determined to deter Sirius from snooping again.</p><p>"I'm wondering the same thing, Professor," he added with a grin.</p><p>"I was looking for the bath to freshen up before dinner," Minerva said in matter-of-fact voice.</p><p>"In Severus's rooms?" Sirius asked her.</p><p>"I got lost," Minerva replied, refusing to give Sirius any kind of leverage.</p><p>"Then how did you know this was his room?" Sirius said with a growing smile.</p><p>"I realised as soon as I saw this wasn't the bath and saw you instead," Minerva snapped. "Who else's room would you be snooping through?"</p><p>For a moment she feared he wasn't going to buy it. But after a tense few seconds he shrugged and smiled.</p><p>"Well you've caught me," Sirius said as he ruffled his hair.</p><p>"Get out of his room," Minerva said with a forceful look.</p><p>"After you," Sirius smiled as he gestured to the door.</p><p>Realizing there was no way she could stay, she left the room and headed down the corridor toward the bath. She made her way slowly and shut the door behind her. She waited a moment before peering out into the hallway to see if was abandoned. Sirius wasn't present so she collected her things and began to make her way back to Severus's room.</p><p>She was about halfway down the hall when a voice caused her to jump.</p><p>"Forget something?" Sirius called out as he emerged from the darkness. He must have come back down the stairway that led to the next floor. He was grinning like he'd caught a naughty child.</p><p>"Yes," Minerva replied coolly. She made her way past him and into her own bedchamber. Growing impatient, she did not check before entering the corridor.</p><p>"Did you get everything you needed?" Sirius Black said. He was leaning against the wall in the corridor.</p><p>"Don't you have something better to be doing?" Minerva asked curtly.</p><p>"Not really," Sirius replied. His grin stopped when he saw her look.</p><p>"I'm sorry Professor," he said earnestly. "I'll make myself scarce."</p><p>True to his word, he scurried off downstairs and left her alone in the dark, musty corridor.</p><p>Now that someone knew she was supposed to be occupying the bath, she locked her own door and the door on the bath down the corridor in case Sirius Black decided to go snooping again. Her arrangement with Severus had be kept hidden from everyone. They couldn't risk anyone, even the Order, finding out. Minerva hesitated to call it a relationship. She knew it was foolish to think there could be any sort of normalcy.</p><p>Minerva wasted no time in pouring a hot bath. Her back ached and she was chilled. The hot water was both warming and soothing. Steam had fogged the mirror and filled the air of the small space. Minerva inhaled it in deeply and her sinuses thanked her.</p><p>She pulled her feet out and rested them on the edge as she slid further into the water, stopping when it hit her chin. She did not want to tell Severus about Sirius being in his rooms. She knew it would cause an unnecessary argument. But she was very upset that Sirius had been in Severus's rooms. It wasn't just the fear of discovery. Sirius didn't trust Severus and that kind of distrust wasn't healthy for the Order.</p><p>She rested her head back against the cool tub as she contemplated how she would handle the encounter with Sirius. He did technically own the house and there was little that Minerva could do to stop him while maintaining secrecy from both Severus and the others. She considered discussing the situation with Remus. He was close with Sirius and he would understand the situation. Minerva sensed he suspected that there was something going on between her and Severus. But Minerva wasn't concerned. Remus had never asked and Minerva knew he wouldn't ask. It was safer for all of them that way and Remus understood that.</p><p>Minerva sat up in the tub. She reached up removed her hairpins. She could only image how much of a mess her hair must be. Rubbing her temples, she sunk back into the water. After a moment leaned back and submerged herself in the warmth of the bath. The sound of the bubbles as she exhaled underwater set her at ease.</p><p>After she reemerged, she wiped her eyes with a wet hand and leaned back to soak. But her peace was short lived.</p><p>The door to Severus's room closed. She hadn't locked the door and someone was now in the room.</p><p>She tried to calm herself down. There is a chance it was Severus. But there was an equal chance it was Sirius Black.</p><p>Minerva stopped moving and tried to make as little noise as possible. Her wand was on the counter. She knew the moment she got out of the water the sound would alert the person in the room. She couldn't reach her wand without making noise. She looked at the antique brass knob on the door. She didn't think she could risk wandlessly locking the door as the click of the latch would be heard.</p><p>The moments dragged on. For Minerva, it felt like forever. But she realised it must have only been minutes as the water was still quite hot. She hadn't moved. She could still hear someone rummaging through the other room. Drawers were opened and closed, the door to the large wardrobe had creaked open slowly, and footsteps had shuffled across the floor. Minerva had no doubt this was Sirius Black.</p><p>Just when her fear of discovery had reached a fever pitch, Minerva heard the door to the room open and and close. The footsteps had stopped. The sound of rummaging was no more. Minerva breathed an audible sigh of relief and shifted in the bath. A second later, Minerva heard someone approach the door.</p><p>She froze. Her eyes grew wide as the door to the bath opened slowly. Minerva retreated into the water with just her eyes visible.</p><p>Severus Snape poked his head around the door.</p><p>"You're back early," Minerva said as she pulled her face out of the water.</p><p>"I've been reassigned," Severus said with no emotion. "I've just come to pack."</p><p>"Where are you going?" Minerva asked as she sat up in the water.</p><p>Minerva had just gotten back from Crimea. She chastised herself for being foolish enough to think her and Severus would have time to spend together.</p><p>"Falmouth," he replied shortly as he stuffed his toothbrush into a small sack.</p><p>"LaTour," she said in a far away voice as she pulled her hand from the water and let it rest along the edge of the bath.</p><p>Severus didn't respond. He stuffed his essentials into an overnight pack and shrunk it down to fit in his pocket. He owned very little as he was used to packing light. It had shocked Minerva how sparse his personal quarters had been when she'd first laid eyes on them.</p><p>She didn't ask when he would be back. They both knew there was a possibility that each time they parted it would be the last.</p><p>"Don't ask it," he said as he had read her thoughts.</p><p>"I wasn't going to," she replied.</p><p>They were silent for a moment until Minerva spoke up.</p><p>"When do you leave?" Minerva asked as stood and stepped out of the bath.</p><p>"After dinner," Severus said as he turned and handed her dressing gown to her.</p><p>Minerva followed Severus out of the bath as she tied the knot of her dressing gown firmly around her waist. She swept her hair to one side and began to braid it, frustrated as she would have to wait to wash it.</p><p>"The Cannons traded Brenshaw," Minerva said trying to find a topic they could discuss that didn't involved the Order.</p><p>"Really?" Severus commented as he inspected his cloak. "To the Arrows?"</p><p>"No," Minerva replied. "Portee. They gave 'em Milkthatch."</p><p>"Pity for Milkthatch," Severus said as he used his wand to carefully remove lint from his cloak.</p><p>XXXXXXXXXXX</p><p>Dinner was a frustrating affair. Severus found himself longing for Hogwarts where he could dine alone in his own private quarters.</p><p>At one end of the table the Weasley children and Miss Granger were laughing uproariously at the antics of the youngest Black - Nymphadora Tonks. The insufferable Weasley twins were deep in conversation with Sirius Black. Arthur Weasley, Remus Lupin, and Sturgis Podmore were chatting about developments at the Ministry.</p><p>Dumbledore had always encouraged a 'family' atmosphere within the Order. Severus thought this was foolish.</p><p>Across the table, Molly Weasley and Emmeline Vance were discussing the latest installment of Heloise Greenbaum's The Witch is In the Kitch, a popular cooking program broadcast on the Wizarding Wireless Network. Molly's boisterous voice carried through the room. It made Severus uncomfortable. In contrast to this large, loud dinner his own childhood had been filled with cold, silent dinners. As a boy, he and his mother would sit quietly and try not to make any noises during dinner that would upset his father. He was terrified of making a noise.</p><p>Unlike Molly Weasley, his own mother had been weak. Each morning after his father's drunken beatings, his mother would never acknowledge it. She'd say he was ill or nervous about school. And when he was young - before he understood his magical abilities - he would sometimes have moments of uncontrolled magic. A glass would break or a door would shut suddenly without explanation. His father would always blame Severus and his mother would beg him to 'spare the boy.'</p><p>He had wondered what it would have been like to have a mother like Molly Weasley instead of his own chilly mother. The powerful memory of Alastor Moody interrogating him after he'd turned himself in hit him with such force that he began to sweat.</p><p><em>Mummy didn't love you enough?</em> Moody had asked during Severus's interrogation fifteen years earlier.</p><p>Sirius Black slammed his fist on the table in laughter. The sound brought Severus back to the table and out of his thoughts.</p><p><em>Alright?</em> He heard Minerva's voice say in his head as they made eye contact. He gave her small nod and she replied with a hint of a smile before turning back to her conversation with Kingsley Shacklebolt.</p><p>Severus ate the remainder of his chicken Balti curry quickly and excused himself from the table.</p><p>After leaving the table, Severus strode upstairs silently and into his room. Grabbing his finest cloak he swung it over his shoulder and took in his appearance in the mirror in the corner. The cloak was a fine quality and had been one of the first things he'd purchased upon leaving Hogwarts. In his youth, in an effort to blend in with the posh LaTour and always impeccably dressed Lucius Malfoy, Severus had spent a gorgeous galleon (and more) to purchase the cloak. It was handmade by Master Ambrus Koszorus, the famed Hungarian designer that had outfitted the ranks of the wizarding pureblood high society.</p><p>Severus adjusted his collar and ran his hand through his hair before stepping out into the hallway and slipped out of the house like a shadow and into the dark of night sky.</p><p>XXXXXXXXXXXX</p><p>
  <strong>1 August, 1995</strong>
</p><p>Minerva hated every minute of the Board of Governors meeting that she'd attended that morning. The meeting had been held at the Ministry - which was unheard of - and was led by the Ministry rather than the President of the Board.</p><p>A frustrated Minerva had sat impatiently listening to the Senior Undersecretary to the Minister prattle on about the need for reform at Hogwarts. A student had died and a dangerous intruder had penetrated the school's defenses.</p><p>Minerva felt helpless.</p><p>The Ministry would be appointing a liaison to the school to evaluate and implement necessary changes to the school's operations.</p><p>Minerva had regretted asking who would fill the role of Ministry liaison.</p><p>"By order of the Minister I will serve as liaison and fill the Defense Against the Dark Arts post," the Undersecretary had said with her sickeningly sweet grin.</p><p>Minerva was disgusted by both the idea that this woman would be joining the Hogwarts staff and also by the time she had now wasted in filling the post. Because of her trip to Crimea, Minerva had scrambled during the start of the summer holidays to find a suitable professor to fill the vacant post. After countless interviews and negotiations, Minerva had secured Professor Yseult Hawthorne on one-year contract from the prestigious Salem Witches' Institute.</p><p>"And what of Professor Hawthorne?" Minerva had asked with a raised eyebrow.</p><p>"You'll need to inform her that her services are no longer required," the Undersecretary had replied.</p><p>"Are you an employee of the Ministry then ma'am, or of Hogwarts?" Minerva had questioned.</p><p>"I don't understand why that matters?" Undersecretary Umbridge said as her smile had begun to falter.</p><p>"Are you paid by Hogwarts or the Ministry?" Minerva had asked plainly. She was responsible for signing off all payroll and would need to be in the know if she was paid by Hogwarts.</p><p>"The Board of Governors has already worked out a substantial rate that is suitable for someone of my rank," the Undersecretary had informed her with sickening gleam in her eye.</p><p>Yes, Minerva had hated every minute of that meeting and she was not looking forward to the start of the term. In particular, Minerva had been taken aback by the Undersecretary's comments after the meeting.</p><p>"Minerva dear," she had said grabbing Minerva's arm with her chubby ring-covered little fingers. "Your house has long had a problem with discipline. I intend to change that and I hope you'll take note."</p><p>Minerva had been flabbergasted. Her reputation as a strict but fair disciplinary was well known.</p><p>"Hopefully Professor Umbridge will be able to teach young Mr Potter to stay in line," Lucius Malfoy had sneered as he walked past the women.</p><p>"Oh I'm not concerned about Mr Potter," the Undersecretary had said menacingly. "I know how to handle children like him."</p><p>XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX</p><p>For his part, Severus hated his trip to Falmouth. In many ways, it seemed to be nothing more than a trip to relive the glory days of the past by fraternal brothers.</p><p>Upon arrival, Severus had given his cloak to a young house elf who had bowed so deeply he'd nearly fallen over. A second house elf had ushered Severus into LaTour's retiring room where cigar smoke and laughter filled the room.</p><p>Severus was presently seated across from none other than Horace Slughorn. LaTour had invited the aged former Professor to spend the summer as his guest and Slughorn was never one to turn down a party. He was currently regaling the group with his recent trip to the continent.</p><p>It struck Severus as odd that all of these adults would hang on every one of Slughorn's boring words as if they were still children vying for top preference in the Slug Club.</p><p>"Get a good night's rest lads," Slughorn said in a tipsy voice as he stood.</p><p>"Indeed, old boy," LaTour said raising his glass with his signature toothy sinister grin and creole drawl.</p><p>As soon as Slughorn had left the room, LaTour turned to Severus.</p><p>"Severus, please escort our most honored guest to his room," LaTour said.</p><p>Severus nodded and left with a bow to follow Slughorn into the corridor. He knew it was a punishment. Severus wasn't readily accepted back in yet. He'd not met the Dark Lord yet since his return. They were testing him and he would have to work to rebuild that trust.</p><p>Slughorn was an old drunk and Severus had always found the man to be dull. But he knew he needed to follow LaTour's instructions if he had any hope of regaining his position within the ranks of the Death Eaters.</p><p>"Here we are," Slughorn said as he stumbled into a dark room. Severus waved his hand to light to elaborate candelabras that decorated the chamber. Slughorn had indeed made himself at home. His treasured pictures and postcards lined the shelves, table, and any surface available.</p><p>"Steady now," Slughorn slurred as he swayed into a small table and knocking the photos askew.</p><p>The old man dropped to his knees and began to pick up the photos tenderly.</p><p>"Oh Gwenog Jones," Slughorn said brushing the frame. "She's got me tickets to the match against the Tornadoes in September."</p><p>Severus took the framed photo from Slughorn and set it back on the table. One by one Slughorn would pick up the photo and carefully inspect it for any damage and comment on the photo's namesake before handing it off to Severus. But Severus was rapidly becoming bored of this pace. At this rate it would likely take all night.</p><p>Probably what LaTour's counting on. Severus snickered grimly to himself.</p><p>"Ouch," Slughorn snapped as he pulled his cut finger from a photograph where the glass had broken in the frame. "Careful with that, my boy." He said as he handed it to Severus and stuck his bleeding finger in his mouth.</p><p>Severus waved his wand and a small waste bin flew over from the ornate desk that sat in the corner. With a second wave the glass shards on the floor lifted themselves into the air before swirling gently into the bin. Severus gently removed the photograph from the frame and was surprised to see a second photograph behind it.</p><p>Severus set the photo that had been on top down on the table and curiously picked up the photo it had been hiding.</p><p>He recognisedthe young man in the photograph. Severus had seen him before. It was a picture of a young Tom Marvolo Riddle before his transformation into the Dark Lord Voldemort. Young Mr Riddle was standing on a beach in the wind with a young woman. Severus flipped over the photograph to see a note that read "Cheers from Bregu."</p><p>Slughorn was pissed. He wouldn't remember it in the morning. Severus carefully replaced the original photograph and did his best to repair the broken glass. He pocketed the photograph of Tom Riddle. With a flick of his wand the shards he had previously discarded delicately swirled out of the bin and worked themselves back into the frame. Severus checked his work by running his hand over the glass. To his delight, he found it was flawless.</p><p>It occurred to Severus in this moment that Slughorn might be exactly what he needed to find out more information about Minerva. She had been a member of the Slug Club and Slughorn had worked with her for some time. Severus thanked his lucky stars LaTour had assigned him this meaningless task.</p><p>"Do you have any photographs of the old Slug Club?" Severus asked as he helped Slughorn to his feet.</p><p>Slughorn beamed as if he'd waited a lifetime for someone to ask. Shuffling over to his nightstand, Slughorn opened the drawer slowly and pulled out a large, leather-bound book and held it out for Severus to take.</p><p>"You'll find you and your classmates toward the end, my dear boy," Slughorn smiled as he patted the top of the book.</p><p>"Bring her back in the morning!" Slughorn added with one of his characteristic winks as Severus bid him goodnight.</p><p>XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX</p><p>Walking silently down the corridor, Severus swept past the retiring room. Clinging to the shadow of a large statue, Severus avoided the laughter that had erupted from the men in LaTour's company.</p><p>When he reached his own private guest chamber, Severus lit a candle and opened the book Slughorn had loaned him.</p><p>It was a scrapbook of sorts, collecting photographs and mementos from his Slug Club throughout the years. Severus flipped through and found his own first year as a member of the prestigious Slug Club. He had been a fourth year when he'd finally earned an invitation. His fingers traced across the group photograph. He and Lily had still been quite close then.</p><p>Flipping back through the years, Severus noted many of the famous - and infamous - members of the Slug Club.</p><p>Thinking back, Severus recalled Minerva had taken her N.E.W.T.s in 1943. Turning toward the earlier portion of the book he started looking at 1936-1937 Slug Club photographs. If he'd done his maths properly that would have been her first year at Hogwarts. And to his delight, there she was.</p><p>Turning the pages he noted the members of Slughorn's club at the time were a notable who's who of high society - Niall Nott, Abraxas Malfoy, Corban Yaxley, Kingsley Shacklebolt, Roman Lestrange, Antonin Dolohov, Orion Black, Rufus Scrimgeour, Barty Crouch Senior, Augusta Longbottom, Amelia Bones, and Minerva McGonagall.</p><p>He was looking for any kind of clue as to who she had been in her youth. She was tall as a child, much taller than her classmates until puberty had hit and some had caught up with her.</p><p>As he flipped to the next page he was struck to see a young Tom Riddle in the 1940-1941 Slug Club group photograph. There the Dark Lord was as a small boy not more than thirteen or fourteen. And yet there he sat sandwiched between Abraxas Malfoy and Corban Yaxley. Severus pondered for a moment if they knew then what he would become.</p><p>There was a photograph of a fifteen year old Minerva attending a Slug Club Christmas party on the arm of a young Rufus Scrimgeour. They didn't seem particularly attached to one another in the photograph and Severus got the impression they must have gone together out of a sense of duty to bring a date rather than some mutual attraction.</p><p>But on the next page he noticed something that caught his eye. In that year's photograph for the Slug Club members, Minerva was standing next to Tom Riddle in the back row. A second photograph of the group at a Slug Club meeting showed the two were seated next to one another. And in the annual Christmas photo a young Minerva McGonagall was toasting the holiday with Tom Riddle, Corban Yaxley, and Roman Lestrange.</p><p>This book had raised more questions than answers. He wondered if Minerva had once held the same blood purity beliefs that she now fought against. He also considered the possibility that she still did hold those beliefs but, like him, was indebted to Dumbledore over some personal matter. He dashed that thought as quickly as it had come. Minerva was quite political and Severus knew that well - and the scars he'd seen led him to believe otherwise.</p><p>On the next page, Severus lamented that it was her final year. These would be the last photographic clues Severus would get from this book.</p><p>In the last Slug Club annual photo she had been a part of, Minerva had sat on the great cushioned sofa in Slughorn's quarters. Next to her was Tom Marvolo Riddle. And to Severus's surprise, in a photograph of the 1943 Slug Club Christmas Party, was a seventeen year old Minerva McGonagall with the arm of none other than Tom Riddle around her waist.</p><p>He pulled the picture he'd snagged from Slughorn out of his pocket and compared the two. It was her. There was no doubt about it.</p><p>Severus shut the book and chastised himself for snooping. It seemed that in each step he took to learn more about Minerva's past, he wound up with more questions than when he had started. Minerva had insisted she wasn't a Death Eater. Severus knew there had been a gang of followers before the official start of the Death Eaters. And these photographs were certainly proof that she had known the lot of them. Severus knew the likes of Nott, Yaxley, Malfoy, and Lestrange had been among the earliest followers.</p><p>But Minerva? Severus contemplated as his hand rested on the front of the leather book. He theorized that perhaps the strange placement or color of her Dark Mark were related to this earlier group. But the Death Eaters Severus knew to have been in that group all had their mark on their wrists. A thought crossed his mind that perhaps it was gender related. There had been very few female Death Eaters in the beginning, as gender-related restrictions of pureblood society meant most women were excluded from their husbands' affairs. However, Severus knew that Seraphina Malfoy and Marin Killoran had been there since the start. Severus had never laid eyes on their Dark Marks so he knew not where they lay.</p><p>Severus set the book on his nightstand and turned over, extinguishing the candlelight with a quick flick of his wrist. His fingers brushed along the mark on his wrist and he wondered how long he'd have to remain until he could return to his slice of solitude at Hogwarts.</p><p>XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX</p><p>300 miles away, Minerva was trying her best to keep her temper under check. A few hours earlier she'd been helping Molly clear out one of the bedrooms when an urgent patronus from Arthur Weasley arrived.</p><p>Potter had been expelled from Hogwarts for use of a patronus charm.</p><p>Minerva had been present at the Ministry with Dumbledore trying to sort out the Potter incident. Now she sat angrily overthinking the events that had transpired.</p><p>XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX</p><p>
  <strong>Several Hours Earlier - Ministry of Magic</strong>
</p><p>Minerva sat impatiently inside Mafalda Hopkirk's office. A young wizard had escorted her in and assured her Ms Hopkirk would be along shortly.</p><p>Upon hearing Arthur Weasley's patronus, Minerva had raced out of Grimmauld Place and apparated directly outside the Ministry, hurried in, and demanded an audience with Hopkirk who oversaw the Improper Use of Magic Office at the Ministry.</p><p>Minerva had been waiting a full eight minutes when the same young wizard escorted Albus Dumbledore into the office.</p><p>Dumbledore took a seat next to Minerva and they sat in silence waiting. Minerva was rapping her nails along the armrest of the chair and Dumbledore was fidgeting in his seat.</p><p>"Crimea was nice?" Dumbledore said awkwardly breaking the silence.</p><p>"Very," Minerva replied without looking at him. "And Calais?"</p><p>"Hot," he replied.</p><p>They both knew that it was likely they were being observed and that this was not a safe area in which to discuss the Potter situation.</p><p>A moment later a flustered looking Mafalda Hopkirk entered her office and sat behind the desk with a nervous smile.</p><p>"Good evening Professors," she smiled weakly. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"</p><p>"You know why we're here," Minerva said simply. "Let's cut to the chase, shall we?"</p><p>Miss Hopkirk's face blanched.</p><p>"I think what my colleague means is, we are here in regards to an expulsion letter you sent to Mr Harry Potter," Dumbledore said sweetly.</p><p>Miss Hopkirk struggled to come up with the words to respond. She shuffled some papers on her desk and opened a drawer, all the while avoiding eye contact.</p><p>"I, um, well," she stuttered. "I do recall, um, seeing that."</p><p>"Out with it Miss Hopkirk," Minerva said bluntly. "Confrontation was never your strong suit."</p><p>"Maybe we could start at the beginning," Dumbledore offered calmly.</p><p>Mafalda Hopkirk had broken easily enough. It was apparent she had been under pressure to expel Potter from elsewhere within the Ministry. Miss Hopkirk had been scant on details but Dumbledore and Minerva had left her office twenty minutes later after having secured a hearing for Potter.</p><p>Minerva had hoped to speak with Dumbledore before he departed, but he'd left as quickly as he'd come muttering only that he'd see her tomorrow to plan for getting Potter to the hearing.</p><p>XXXXXXXXXXXXXX</p><p>
  <strong>Present</strong>
</p><p>There had been no doubt about the Dementors in Little Whinging. Minerva rung her hands as she paced back and forth across the floorboards in a small foyer on the first floor of Grimmauld Place. She had desperately wanted to extract Potter immediately, but she understood there were reasons Dumbledore wanted him to stay at his Aunt's home.</p><p>Padding up the stairs, Minerva crept past the ajar door that led to a room where Remus Lupin was attempting to calm down Sirius Black. He'd been in a foul mood since Arthur's patronus.</p><p>Minerva was beginning to feel that she understood what Sirius had meant when he'd described this house as 'suffocating.'</p><p>Suffocating indeed she thought as she found herself out of corridor. She longed for her own personal space back at Hogwarts where she could hide away in the Library or in her favorite tower. She wanted a cigarette and she wanted solitude.</p><p>Minerva turned and decided to head upstairs and see if she could find someplace to be alone. Creeping past the second and third upper floors, Minerva reached the fourth floor. It was dark and silent. Minerva knew most of the children's rooms were on the floor below and she didn't recall placing any rooms up here. At the end of the dark corridor, Minerva could see a sliver of moonlight creeping through an open window.</p><p>Minerva drew her wand and approached the open window carefully. It was a nearly full-length window and outside the roof was flat. There was a small faux railing and it overlooked the housing blocks of Islington.</p><p>Minerva looked carefully out of the window and didn't see anyone or anything. Carefully she stepped through the window and out onto the roof. The humid August felt refreshing compared to stifling, dusty air of Grimmauld Place.</p><p>Reaching into her robes, Minerva retrieved a muggle cigarette and lit it with a snap of her fingers. Drawing it to her lips, the end glowed a bright orange-red in contrast to the dark sky.</p><p>"Hot night," a voice said from behind her.</p><p>Minerva spun quickly to see Arthur Weasley leaning up against the bricks of the house. He was shadowed in the corner.</p><p>"Arthur," Minerva said as she steadied her breathing.</p><p>"Didn't mean to give you a start," he said sincerely.</p><p>"What are you doing out here?" Minerva asked.</p><p>"For twenty seven years I've worked in this city," Arthur said. "This is the first time I've ever had to live in it. I don't like it. Not one bit."</p><p>Minerva smiled as she exhaled a long puff of smoke into the sky.</p><p>"I suppose this is quite a change from Devonshire," Minerva replied.</p><p>"Ah, yes," Arthur nodded in agreement. "But I suppose this is quite a change from Hogwarts as well."</p><p>Minerva nodded in agreement.</p><p>"At home I have my shed I can retreat to," Arthur explained. "And at night I can see the stars for miles."</p><p>Minerva laughed.</p><p>"I know what you mean," she said as she took another drag. "When I first moved to London from Caithness it was quite a change."</p><p>"I didn't know you'd lived in London," Arthur said brightly.</p><p>"A long time ago," Minerva said allowing herself to remember. "I was here during the smog in '52."</p><p>"I remember Dad telling us about that as kids," Arthur commented.</p><p>"I'm sorry to have disturbed your solitude," Minerva said as she took another drag on her cigarette. "I should leave you to it."</p><p>"Not at all," Arthur said. "I should get back inside and help Molly."</p><p>Minerva nodded and bid goodnight to the father of the Weasley clan. Minerva had always found Arthur easy to talk with. Despite his eagerness for understanding the muggle world, Arthur was level-headed and intuitive. Molly Weasley was a lucky woman to found such a loving, faithful, and stable husband. It was no small wonder they had a large, happy family.</p><p>Minerva had wanted a family at one point. She rarely allowed herself to dwell on thoughts of that period of her life.</p><p>No, Minerva knew she was never cut out for an army of small children. The life of a farmer's wife would never have suited her.</p><p>Minerva conjured a small ash tray and put out her cigarette. She'd leave it here for future use.</p><p>She had a nagging feeling she'd back sooner or later to this dingy rooftop.</p><p>XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX</p><p>Once back inside, Minerva returned to her room. She changed into her dressing gown but paused to examine the Dark Mark above her left breast.</p><p>It had ached since that night at the end of June. There had been occasional flashes of pain but nothing compared to the pain she'd felt the night the Diggory boy was murdered. She'd discussed it with Severus a few times and he'd felt similar quick bursts of pain from time to time since that night.</p><p>She wasn't feeling sleepy so instead she decided to curl up with her latest side project. Minerva was hoping her notes on multi-form animagi would distract her from the painful twinge from the mark on her collarbone.</p><p>XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX</p><p>300 miles southwest, Severus Snape had awoken to find a group of Death Eaters in his room at LaTour's Falmouth estate. He'd been asleep maybe an hour.</p><p>"Severus," he recognised LaTour's voice.</p><p>"Yes?" He replied annoyed.</p><p>"Don't speak," LaTour snapped.</p><p>"You took an oath to serve the Dark Lord," said a voice that sounded like Yaxley.</p><p>"You took a life in his name to seal the oath," LaTour continued, "and you betrayed him."</p><p>They were drawing closer with their wands drawn.</p><p>Severus tried to remain calm. This could very well be another test of his loyalty or it could be a legitimate punishment for his actions from the past.</p><p>"Will you serve him now?" Lucius Malfoy asked.</p><p>"I never stopped," Severus snapped defensively.</p><p>Two of them waited for Severus to dress and then led him out of his room. Severus was led through the corridor and down the grand staircase. Once they'd reached the main foyer, Severus was led outside and down a path. Severus realised he was being led to the water. LaTour's estate sat right on the coast of the channel. As he made his way down the path he noticed there was a large bonfire on the sandy beach below and about a dozen Death Eaters surrounding it.</p><p>Once he'd reached the beach Severus realised there was a hooded figure standing near the water.</p><p>"Why should the Dark Lord spare your life?" one of the hooded Death Eaters called out.</p><p>"Am I now permitted to speak?" Severus replied. It was a calculated risk. The Dark Lord had always valued Severus's candor and he hoped his comment would remind the group of that time.</p><p>"How do we know he won't betray us?" another asked as a murmur made its way around the circle.</p><p>"You forgot to take my wand and I haven't done anything to escape," Severus challenged as he turned and addressed the group.</p><p>"Always the snarky one," a raspy voice said from the water. The whispers of the Death Eaters stopped.</p><p>"Come here, Severus," the cloaked figure said.</p><p>Severus approached the figure on the beach.</p><p>"My Lord, is that you?" Severus asked as he made his way closer to the water.</p><p>"Do you serve your Lord now as you did when you made your oath?" the shrouded figure asked.</p><p>"I have never stopped," Severus replied.</p><p>"And are you repentant for the years in which you did not seek your Lord?" it asked.</p><p>"Yes," Severus said solemnly hoping that his answer would prove sufficient.</p><p>In an instant Severus felt his body overtaken with pain as the hooded figure cast the Cruciatus Curse at him. He wreathed in pain as he twisted around on the wet sand. He was unable to cry or scream and his lungs longed for air.</p><p>At the moment he felt he would lose consciousness, it stopped.</p><p>"Are you repentant for the years in which you did not seek your Lord?" the figure repeated.</p><p>"Yes, my Lord," Severus repeated realizing his error was in failing to add 'my Lord' to the end of his previous answer.</p><p>However, this was not the case. Severus's body was flung into the sky and before he could gain a sense of what was happening he was plunged into the cold darkness of the water of the channel. He reemerged briefly, only to be thrust underwater again. There was a force holding his body under the water that Severus was unable to fight.</p><p>But understanding how sensitive this meeting could be, Severus didn't fight it. He put all his faith in his understanding of how the Dark Lord operated and held off from reaching for his wand. As his lungs burned, he continued to refrain. Darkness began to overtake him as he felt water beginning to fill his lungs.</p><p>The next thing he knew Severus was coughing up water as he lay soaked on the beach below LaTour's estate.</p><p>The hooded figure that had tormented him stood looming over him.</p><p>"Are you repentant for the years in which you did not seek your Lord?" the figure repeated for the third time.</p><p>"Not nearly enough, my Lord," Severus answered as pushed himself up onto his elbows.</p><p>The figure removed his hood to reveal a figure that Severus hardly recognized. He was hairless with red eyes and skin that was unnaturally thin and white. The snakelike slits of nostrils were the only hint of a nose. It grinned manically.</p><p>"Welcome back my son," the Dark Lord said as he bent down to touch Severus's wrist.</p><p>XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX</p><p>Minerva sat upright and grabbed her chest as her Dark Mark burned with pain. She had passed out reading her notes and had awoke from a horrible nightmare. She was soaked with sweat and panting as she tried to get a grip on her surroundings.</p><p>Grimmauld Place she reminded herself as her eyes adjusted to the darkness and she took in her dingy surroundings.</p><p>Minerva got of out her bed and lit the candles in her room to provide some light. Checking the clock, she realised it was nearly three in the morning.</p><p>She quietly opened the door to the corridor and made her way through the darkness to Severus's room. Without a sound she opened the door and cast a quick Lumos. As she waved her wand across the the bed she realised Severus had not returned yet.</p><p>She closed the door to his room and leaned against it. Closing her eyes she tried to catch her breath.</p><p>"Trouble sleeping?" Sirius Black asked emerging from the darkness with a bottle of beer and half an over-sized sandwich hanging from his mouth.</p><p> </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter Two</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A/N: Thank you to all who have read, reviewed, or made this a favourite. And I appreciate all who have reached out. My own health and work schedule have presented their own challenges to my writing schedule and your words of support spur me to push myself. Thank you.</p><p>Soak is part of a series that started with Ache. Ache was originally written as a one-shot (Chapter One) but evolved into this series encompassing many years and stages in the lives of two complicated characters. As a result, you may find this story takes some time to finish.</p><p>Although rooted in cannon, I have taken certain liberties beyond that. You may find some elements of the Ache series (as a whole) are not Pottermore compliant.</p><p>I own neither the world of nor the characters within the Harry Potter universe and I say thanks every day for JKR sharing Harry and his world with us.</p><p>XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX</p><p>
  <strong>1 August 1995</strong>
</p><p>"I thought I heard something," Minerva replied without thinking hoping that her lie would be enough to satisfy Sirius Black.</p><p>Black dropped the sandwich that had been hanging out of his mouth and pulled his wand out. He glanced up and down the corridor.</p><p>Minerva realised quickly how foolish her lie had been. Saying one had heard something at 3:00 in the morning in the safe house of a secret, illegal resistance organisation had not been her finest lie.</p><p>"Kreacher," he Sirius said in whisper.</p><p>The aged house elf appeared from around the corner, the skin hanging off his large, sagging ears was only amplified in its horror in the dark.</p><p>"Yes," the elf hissed.</p><p>"Who is in the house?" Sirius asked. "How many souls are in this house?"</p><p>House elves had the ability to detect people within the home of the master they serve.</p><p>"Well besides myself, there is you master and you Professor," Kreacher said sourly. "The werewolf, six Weasleys-" the elf grumbled something under his breath that Minerva couldn't hear.</p><p>"The mud-blood and your half-breed cousin," the house elf said defiantly as he eyed his Master. "Shacklebolt, the demon Moody, your winged beast. And another."</p><p>"Who?" Sirius asked.</p><p>"Who?" Kreacher replied looking at his master.</p><p>"Who did you not name?" Sirius said as his frustration grew.</p><p>"I don't know Master," Kreacher said.</p><p>Sirius shoved his wand at Kreacher.</p><p>"Who else is in the house?" Sirius demanded.</p><p>"I don't know Master," Kreacher repeated.</p><p>"I order you to tell me," Sirius said as he pushed his wand closer to the elf.</p><p>"Master, I cannot tell you what I don't know," Kreacher said as he took a low bow.</p><p>Minerva pulled out her wand as she and Sirius exchanged a glance.</p><p>Sirius walked over to the door across the corridor and gave it a light knock.</p><p>"Remus can wake up the rest of the floor," Sirius said softly.</p><p>A moment later Remus Lupin opened his door, halfway through putting on a tattered dressing gown.</p><p>"What's happened?" Lupin asked with a yawn.</p><p>"Someone's in the house," Sirius whispered.</p><p>Lupin nodded and headed down the dark corridor to wake the next room. Sirius headed downstairs to search the main floor. Minerva headed upstairs. She would start by the window that lead to the roof and work her way down to meet the others.</p><p>As she came up the stairs to the top floor Minerva noted the window was closed. Moonlight streamed in and illuminated a small part at the end of the corridor. Using light from her wand, Minerva opened the first door and found only an abandoned storage room. Minerva quickly deduced the next two rooms were equally as unoccupied as the first.</p><p>As she approached the fourth room she noticed the "R.A.B." carved onto the door and immediately knew she would be entering the room of the late Regulus Black. Minerva felt a sense of trepidation as her fingers twisted around the aged bronze knob and she turned it slowly.</p><p>Inside, the room appeared to be impeccably kept despite the condition of the other bedrooms in the home. There was a large, four-poster bed. Rich, velvet curtains were pulled back and neatly tied to reveal an ornately carved sapele wood headboard featuring a crab, the symbol of patience and cunning.</p><p>Minerva ran her hand along the smooth top of the desk that sat at the end of the room. Writing paper featuring the Black family crest adorned the top along with a fine, untouched ostrich feather quill. In a black and white photograph a young, smiling Regulus was playfully roughhousing with a young Jameson Avery and Priscilla Parkinson.</p><p>Minerva was about to move on to the next room when a small glass case in the corner of the room caught her eye. Casting her wand light in the direction of the mysterious object, Minerva felt a twinge of ache from the mark on her shoulder. Minerva found her feet moving methodically as she was drawn closer and closer to the case. It was as if a voice was calling to her. Her mind strained to listen as she was unable to decipher the whispers that clouded her mind.</p><p>Her wand light had created an eerie glow around the case. And there it was - just below the glass - was a locket Minerva had not seen in many years.</p><p>She carefully lifted the case of the glass. Her fingers hesitated just above the locket. The whispering had grown more intense. Minerva allowed her fingers to softly trace the green tourmaline 'S' that was encrusted on the top of the gold locket. Gently, she lifted the locket off of the crushed velvet upon which it sat. She allowed the chain to dangle as she held the locket in her right hand and examined it under the light of her wand.</p><p>Minerva could feel a warm ache emanating from the mark on her shoulder. It seemed to grow, not unpleasantly, as Minerva drew the locket closer.</p><p>"Minerva? Minerva?" Arthur Weasley's hand on her shoulder drew her out of the trance.</p><p>Minerva felt like she had just emerged from being underwater.</p><p>"I- I'm sorry Arthur," she said as she regained a sense of her surroundings. She was clasping the locket next to her chest and she hoped that the he couldn't see it her hand.</p><p>Minerva turned around to see Sirius Black and Remus Lupin standing in the doorway staring at her.</p><p>"I'm sorry," Minerva said. "I spaced out for a moment. I'm very tired."</p><p>"We've cleared the rest of the house," Sirius said. "We didn't find anyone and there's no trace of anyone coming or going."</p><p>"Moody is conducting a sweep with his eye to ensure we haven't missed anything," Remus added.</p><p>Arthur asked Minerva to join them downstairs as the the order members present would be meeting to discuss a rotating guard schedule.</p><p>Minerva slipped the locket into the pocket of her dressing gown and followed the three men down to the kitchen.</p><p>"We'll do a walk-through every hour while on duty," Remus explained to the group as he outlined the rotating guard schedule.</p><p>Sirius was beaming. He'd been feeling left as he wasn't able to help guard the prophecy or leave Grimmauld Place. It was relieving that he would finally have the opportunity to be useful to the Order - even if it was just guarding his own house.</p><p>Minerva ran her thumb across the front of the locket unconsciously as Remus continued to walk the group through the procedure.</p><p>Until further notice, everyone would be on high alert. The Order didn't take chances with spaces after the Burnhaven incident.</p><p>Burnhaven had been a country home owned by the Bones family for generations. Starting in 1976, the Order had occupied Burnhaven. It was used as both a safe house and the Headquarters.</p><p>Minerva would never forget New Years Eve 1977. Most of the Order had been at Burnhaven and the mood had been festive. The night before they had intercepted a young Ministry employee and his wife moments before an attack by Death Eaters. They had moved them in to the safe house at Burnhaven until they could relocate them to safety.</p><p>But it had all been a ruse. The Ministry employee and his wife had been planted and the tip the Order had gotten about their attack had all been an effort to plant two Death Eaters into Burnhaven.</p><p>Edgar and Mallory Bones and their four children had been murdered that night along with Benjy Fenwick, Roger Jones, and Alfie Addington who's death Minerva had witnessed firsthand as they had been sharing a bed at the time - not that they had been in a relationship. Minerva and Alfie had been friends that had taken comfort in one another after sharing a drunken kiss earlier in the evening.</p><p>Minerva had barely made it out alive. Alfie hadn't.</p><p>And ever since Burnhaven, the Order had created a strict policy separating Headquarters from safe houses.</p><p>"Minerva?" the sound of Alastor Moody's voice startled her.</p><p>"Hmm?" She replied in a faraway voice.</p><p>"I was asking if you would be alright taking the shift tomorrow with Sirius," Moody said.</p><p>"That's fine," Minerva replied automatically as her fingers tightened around the locket in the pocket of her dressing gown.</p><p>Minerva didn't remember leaving the meeting but somehow she'd made it upstairs. Glancing around she checked to make sure there was no one in the corridor. Seeing that it was deserted, Minerva unlocked Severus's room and stepped in.</p><p>He still hadn't returned and Minerva knew it would do her no good to worry.</p><p>Laying down on the bed, Minerva continued to run the locket through her fingers. She was staring at the ceiling as she pondered how this locket could have wound up in Grimmauld Place. She was certain it was the same locket she had seen all those years before.</p><p>Carefully she pulled it out of her pocket and held it up as she examined it. She knew it was the same locket. She could feel it. And she knew that she needed to turn it over to Dumbledore.</p><p>But at the moment she couldn't bring herself to send him an owl. She would inform him in the morning. But at the moment she found she couldn't bear to let it go. It was a bittersweet feeling holding the locket knowing that it had been so important to Tom - knowing that it contained a part of him.</p><p>It was an odd feeling holding a piece of your former lover's soul while laying on your current lover's bed. It was strange to think about Tom while trying to keep herself from focusing on Severus's safety.</p><p>Minerva fell asleep clutching the locket.</p><p>Minerva hadn't noticed the house elf that had been hidden in the shadows. Kreacher knew she had the locket and he knew that she was the great traitor. Mrs Black never trusted her. Mrs Black had long lamented that the McGonagall woman had been fool for failing to fulfil the "great responsibility" required of a pureblood witch.</p><p>Kreacher could sense that the locket was important to her and he feared that if he didn't get it back he would never be able to destroy it like Master Regulas had tasked him to do.</p><p>So as quietly as possible, Kreacher slid into the room and extracted the locket from her hands. With a wave of his small, wrinkled hand Kreacher used his power to block her memories from the last few hours. She'd feel hungover in the morning, but she wouldn't remember ever finding the locket.</p><p>Slipping back out of the room as quietly as he had entered, Kreacher crept off down the darkness of the corridor.</p><p>XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX</p><p>In Falmouth, the sun would be up in an hour or two. Severus was seated between Yaxley and Lucius in the dining room. Across the table, La Tour swirled a wine glass as an elderly house elf poured what Severus thought must be blood into the glass. La Tour dismissed the elf with a wave of his hand. It backed off from the table with a deep bow and disappeared into the darkness.</p><p>The mood around the table was tense. At one end, Thorfin Rowlfe was whispering quietly with the Carrow siblings. Leena Dolohov, Velma Rosier, and Narcissa Malfoy were in deep conversation. But Severus kept his eyes fixated on the unoccupied chair at the head of the table. It seemed like more people had arrived at the house and Severus had a sinking feeling he wasn't going to be able to leave in the morning.</p><p>A moment later the door swung open and the Dark Lord swept into the dining room with Wormtail scurrying behind him. Everyone stood as the Dark Lord made his way down to the seat at the end of the table. One he was seated he smiled sickeningly and waved them all down.</p><p>Severus kept his head low and tried to avoid making eye contact.</p><p>"Where is guest?" the Dark Lord asked.</p><p>"He's sleeping off the booze," La Tour laughed.</p><p>"Go fetch our guest, Wormtail," the Dark Lord commanded. Wormtail scurried out of the room.</p><p>Severus realised they were talking about Slughorn. Slughorn was not a dark wizard. He'd never been a death eater. But he'd certainly run close to those circles and they'd been after the poor man for years. Severus knew the Dark Lord had tried desperately to capture Slughorn during the first war.</p><p>"And how are things at work, Yaxley?" The Dark Lord hissed as he ran his long, pale fingers across Nagini. The snake slid behind the chair and curled up on a rug in front of La Tour's fireplace.</p><p>"Things are well my Lord," Yaxley responded. "I believe Jasper Jugson is ready to join us."</p><p>The Dark Lord nodded in approval. His gaze turned to Thorfin Rowlfe at the end of the table.</p><p>"And for you, Thorfin?" he asked as his red eyes settled on Rowlfe.</p><p>"My Lord," Thorfin said bowing his head. "As you know I believe Jeffery Travers is sympathetic to our cause and shares our beliefs."</p><p>Rowlfe paused and brushed his shaggy, sandy hair out of his eyes. He slowly raised his head.</p><p>"And his wife has expressed a desire to get involved financially," Rowlfe added.</p><p>The Dark Lord's smile grew wider.</p><p>"That's very good indeed," he said as he leaned back in his chair.</p><p>"And Severus," the Dark Lord added as his gaze turned to the Potions master. "Surely you cannot provide any recruits from amongst the Hogwarts staff. Perhaps you could provide me with information?"</p><p>"What do you desire to know?" Severus asked as he tried to keep his mind focused.</p><p>"Where is Dumbledore?" The Dark Lord asked.</p><p>"He's travelling," Severus replied honestly. "He was in London briefly to see the Ministry. But I believe he's back on the continent now."</p><p>"Do you know where he's travelling to?" the Dark Lord pressed.</p><p>"I do not know for sure, My Lord," Severus said. "But based on how quickly he was able to return, I suspect he was in Calais."</p><p>It was a carefully crafted response and one that would place Dumbledore in no danger. The Headmaster often frequented Calais during the summer months. Severus knew this as did the Dark Lord.</p><p>"That's an educated guess," the Dark Lord responded. "And what of the Order?"</p><p>Severus paused. He had dreaded this question.</p><p>"I know of some members but I doubt their names would come as a surprise," Severus said carefully.</p><p>"My source tells me they are operating out of Dartford," the Dark Lord replied.</p><p>"I have suspected there's a place in or near London," Severus answered. He was cautious. The Dark Lord could be testing him and he could ill afford a misstep.</p><p>"But you have never been there?" the Dark Lord said as he leaned forward and looked at Severus.</p><p>"No, my Lord," Severus replied as he looked up and allowed the Dark Lord to enter his mind.</p><p>"My suspicion is based on Dumbledore's absence," Severus said hoping to steer the Dark Lord toward a particular memory. "Minerva McGonagall has been running Hogwarts in his absence and she's twice requested we meet in London to discuss school affairs for the upcoming term."</p><p>Severus allowed the Dark Lord to see Severus and Minerva meeting outside of a Flourish and Blots.</p><p>"Severus does your NEWT class really require Dado's entire set?" Minerva complained as she carefully scanned a list he had provided her. "That's awfully expensive for us to expect students to provide."</p><p>"Then buy a two sets for the library," Severus snapped.</p><p>He stopped and turned to look at her. She stopped reading the list when she realised he was staring at her. She looked up and met his eyes.</p><p>"Dado's set is the most comprehensive out there and it is an essential text for anyone studying to be a healer or for entrance into Newcastle," Severus said. Newcastle Brewer's Association was a professional association of Potions Masters that offered a one year advanced study course for aspiring masters. It was very selective and Severus typically had one or two students a year looking for entrance. Dado's complete set would be required reading for anyone hoping to gain entrance into the exclusive program.</p><p>"Well why didn't you mention it before?" Minerva asked.</p><p>"Because Professor Dumbledore didn't feel it was necessary," Severus replied with a sour look.</p><p>"Right then," Minerva said as she cleared her throat and went back to the list. "We'll get two sets for the library."</p><p>The stones the lined the shops along Diagon Alley began to swirl together as the Dark Lord pulled out of his memory. He seemed satisfied.</p><p>"I see," the Dark Lord replied.</p><p>"She was wearing a muggle dress," Severus replied. "She had obviously come through London and not from Hogwarts."</p><p>"And you have been at Hogwarts all summer?" the Dark Lord asked.</p><p>"I've stayed between Hogwarts and my home in Cokeworth," Severus answered. This was, of course, only partially true. Severus had spent an evening in Cokeworth and some time at Hogwarts. But as of late, he'd spent most of his nights in London with Minerva.</p><p>"I see," the Dark Lord said as he folded his hands together. "You will find where their base of operations is and report back to me by the end of August."</p><p>"Yes, my Lord," Severus said as he bowed his head.</p><p>Wormtail had reemerged and he was approaching the Dark Lord in a deep bow.</p><p>"My-my Lord," he stammered.</p><p>"Where is our guest, Wormtail?" the Dark Lord asked as he eyes narrowed.</p><p>"He-he," Wormtail choked. "He's gone."</p><p>Despite the hair on the back of his neck standing on end, Severus appeared calm. The Dark Lord's calm reaction made Severus all the more nervous. Voldemort sighed and glanced over to La Tour. The Dark Lord grinned and soon both the Dark Lord and La Tour were laughing. Severus knew better than to participate.</p><p>In an instant, La Tour neck snapped back as his hands slammed down on the table. His eyes grew wide and it was clear the vampire was in intense pain. The Dark Lord continued laughing as he held one slender, white hand out toward La Tour.</p><p>"You've broken your promise, Rene," the Dark Lord said. "I am very disappointed."</p><p>La Tour's red eyes bulged and he was unable to speak.</p><p>"This disloyalty shall not be forgotten," the Dark Lord continued as he voice dropped. "You will find him. And you will return him to me."</p><p>With the wave of the Dark Lord's hand, whatever painful hold he'd had on La Tour stopped. The vampire cleared his throat and adjusted his shirt collar. He nodded slowly, his lithe frame shaking. La Tour gripped his arms across his best protectively and bowed his head.</p><p>"Find him," the Dark Lord commanded.</p><p>XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX</p><p>An hour later, Severus was readying himself to leave. He'd shared an uncomfortable breakfast with his fellow death eaters and was quite eager to escape La Tour's house of horrors. They'd searched the house and grounds for any sign of Slughorn. But the old wizard had proven his worth in managing to slip out without a trace. Severus suspected Slughorn was likely hiding nearby. The old man was clever, but certainly not fast. And Severus had to admit that for as flamboyant a man as he was, Slughorn was certainly capable of blending in when he wanted to.</p><p>Severus suspected Slughorn was somewhere nearby, likely hiding in plain sight.</p><p>And to Severus's delight, Slughorn's hasty retreat had meant Severus was now in possession of the old man's Slug Club scrapbook.</p><p>He was thankful that the Dark Lord had found something else to occupy himself with after an hour and they had been allowed to return and prepare to leave.</p><p>Severus was, for once, thankful for his job. The upcoming school term would mean he would likely have to conveniently skip much of the late night, playboy lifestyle that La Tour and many of the Death Eaters lived. Death Eaters like Lucius that had never held actual jobs had plenty of time for late night escapades. Severus was quite certain Malfoy had never done any work aside from managing his estate. Yaxley only worked at the Ministry out of desire - he'd certainly never had a need.</p><p>Severus realised as he walked out of La Tour's home and down toward a safe apparition point how truly out of place he was. As he nodded to Yaxley on his way out he came to fully appreciate how thankful he was for not being one of the society wizards. Severus could retreat to Hogwarts, or Cokeworth, or even his room at Grimmauld Place and escape the darkness for a time.</p><p>And for once in his life, Severus intended to not escape alone.</p><p>But first, he would need to make a small stop that would also conveniently serve as cover in case he was being followed.</p><p>When he reached the edge of the La Tour estate's property, Severus found the small graveyard that served as the apparition point. With a small pop he disappeared.</p><p>XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX</p><p>Severus had been thankful he'd decided to stop off in Diagon Alley before pretending to head off to Hogwarts. He'd been standing in a que at Obscurus Books when he'd caught a glimpse of Walden Macnair watching him from across the street.</p><p>Macnair had never been subtle. Out of the corner of his eye, Severus had seen Macnair standing across the street leaning against the building just watching the window.</p><p>After Severus had paid the clerk, he'd decided to make one more stop at Sugarplum's and Macnair had clumsily tailed him down past the shoppes and stalls that dotted the twisting road. Severus had decided then that with Macnair on his tail he'd best make it look like he was heading out of the city.</p><p>Severus had made his way down toward the Leaky Cauldron before summoning the Knight Bus to take him to King's Cross Station. Macnair had then watched him board the Hogwarts Express. Severus waited until Macnair had walked away before stepping off the train moments before it's departure.</p><p>As a Hogwarts professor, Severus could ride the train between Hogsmeade and London whenever he pleased. The train ran twice a week between London and Scotland and Severus was fortunate that today was one of the days the train was running.</p><p>Severus had then quickly made his way to Grimmauld Place where he was now waiting to be allowed in. It was nearly eleven and Severus was already feeling worn by the day's events. The August heat of London was starting to get to Severus and he was beginning to regret being outdoors for so long.</p><p>A moment later, the door cracked open and Remus poked his out the door.</p><p>"What was the last meal we ate together?" Remus asked.</p><p>"Severus," Remus said. "I'm glad to see you."</p><p>Severus scoffed internally.</p><p>"We had an incident last night," Remus went on. "And we could use your help."</p><p>Severus gave Lupin a curt nod in response. Although he wanted nothing more than a nap, he knew that the incident - whatever it was - took precedent.</p><p>Severus followed Lupin through the main foyer and into a side room. It wasn't typically used by the order and it appeared the crowd in the room was a smaller, select group of members.</p><p>Kinglsey Shacklebolt, Molly and Arthur Weasley, Sirius Black, Alastor Moody, and Minerva were waiting for them.</p><p>"What's happened?" Severus asked. He was tired. He didn't have time for pleasantries. He wanted to go to bed.</p><p>"Minerva heard a noise early this morning," Kingsley explained. "There was someone in the house."</p><p>"How do you know?" Severus asked.</p><p>"I asked Kreacher to identify who was on the property. There was someone else in the house. Not one of us," Sirius added. "He could sense the presence but we don't know who was inside or how long they were here."</p><p>"What did you hear, Minerva?" Severus asked her aloud.</p><p>Their eyes met. She didn't break eye contact.</p><p>"I think it was just Black coming up the stairs," Minerva replied. "I don't think I heard whoever was here."</p><p>Minerva didn't want to be answering this question. There had clearly been someone in the house but she couldn't admit the group she'd just been sneaking out to check if her lover had returned from a late night rendezvous with their enemy.</p><p>Black insisted he had neither seen nor heard anything out of the norm during his own late night tryst with the ice box.</p><p>"All I saw was Minerva coming out of Severus's room," Sirius added as he turned his gaze to Minerva.</p><p>"Well it's the room closest to mine," she replied calmly. She wasn't about show Sirius how rattled she was by his comment. "It's protocol to notify another member in the event of an intruder."</p><p>"But I was on duty," Sirius replied. "You knew I would be awake."</p><p><em>You know better than to be reckless, Minerva.</em> She heard Severus say to her through legilimency. Their eyes met again and he held her gaze.</p><p>"No need to be ashamed, Minerva," Severus said suddenly. Sirius's weren't the only eyebrows to rise at the potion maker's comment.</p><p><em>Oi? What the hell do you think you're doing?</em>  Minerva snapped back at Severus. He'd gone off his rocker.</p><p>"You don't trust me," Severus said aloud.</p><p>"That is an absolutely absurd assumption," Minerva replied in an icy tone.</p><p><em>Ah yes!</em> Severus said in their internal, private dialogue. <em>The McGonagall alliteration. Have you ever notice you only do that when you're upset?</em></p><p>The two Professors stared at each other. Minerva's brow was furrowed and the other Order members could sense the tension.</p><p>"I'm not upset," Minerva replied aloud by accident. She'd meant to say it only to Sevuers. She realized her mistake. Her eyes grew wide momentarily before they narrowed again as she shot a dark look at the Potions Master.</p><p>"You don't trust me," Severus repeated. "It's fine. I'm used to it."</p><p>"I trust you," Minerva said adamently.</p><p>"I said it's fine, Minerva," Severus said calmly. "I understand completely."</p><p>Minerva sat back in the ancient armchair and made no attempt to hide her displeasure. Kingsley sighed as the meeting seemed to be at an impasse.</p><p>"Why don't you trust him?" Sirius asked.</p><p>Murmurs spread through the group. Sirius's question appeared to disturb the other Order members. Minerva scoffed and Severus looked smug.</p><p>"This isn't productive," Arthur Weasley said in an attempt to redirect the conversation.</p><p>"Well this is my house and I want to know why she doesn't trust him," Sirius reiterated.</p><p>The room grew quiet.</p><p>"Well we can't all be perfect little cubs," Severus sneered. "Why would it surprise you that the White Queen of all that is great and good have a natural suspicion of someone like me."</p><p>"Severus, please," Minerva said softly. She'd shuddered at his use of the "White Queen" nickname. It had often been used by Slytherin students when she was a much younger professor as a disparagement for her straight-laced nature.</p><p>"Severus, we need your expertise in this matter," Kinglsey explained. "Would you be kind enough to sweep the house and let us know if you find anything?"</p><p>"And I would appreciate Professor McGonagall's help in the search," Severus said as he bowed to the Auror.</p><p>XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX</p><p>"Well I had to do something to throw them all off," Severus said once they were alone upstairs. "You have to admit it was quite brilliant."</p><p>"It wasn't brilliant!" Minerva snapped. "It was brainless."</p><p>The two were examing the top floor for any trace of how an intruder had entered, exited, or left any kind of jinx or spying equipment. Thus far, their search had turned up nothing. Grimmauld Place was unplottable but the house elf couldn't have lied about an extra soul in the home. Their search of the other three floors had turned up nothing.</p><p>"You know there's another possibility here," Minerva said.</p><p>She regretted the suggestion, but it had to be raised. As much as she wanted to think she could trust every member of the second order there was always the possibility of betrayal - coerced or voluntary.</p><p>Minerva's hand paused on the doorknob of a room labeled "R.A.B." She knew it could be none other than the late Regulas Black's. Minerva tried the handle but found it wouldn't budge.</p><p>"Alohamora," she whispered but the knob remained steadfast.</p><p>She next tried several more advanced unlocking spells but was unable to make the door budge. With a wave of her wand a small patronus shot out and down the dark of the hallway.</p><p>"That's odd," Severus replied. "This has been the only unoccupied door that's been locked."</p><p>"KREACHER!" Sirius bellowed as he beckoned the house elf.</p><p>The crotchety, wrinkled house elf emerged from the shadows and bowed deeply.</p><p>"Unlock the door," Sirius commanded.</p><p>Once inside, Minerva and Severus scanned the room for any signs of an intruder.</p><p>"Who locked the door? And why was it locked?" Minerva asked.</p><p>"I will not answer to blood traitors," Kreacher replied as he turned his head dramatically away from Minerva.</p><p>"Answer her," Sirius commanded as he leaned down toward the house elf.</p><p>"I locked it," Kreacher snarled. "So no grubby childrenses or half breeds or traitors be defiling Master Regulus's quarters."</p><p>Minerva's eyes scanned the room. There didn't seem to be anything out of place. However, she find herself being drawn to the corner of the room over and over again. There was an empty glass case sitting in the far corner.</p><p>"Minerva?" Severus asked as she walked toward it.</p><p>She lifted the glass case and found only a small clean spot where no dust lay. It was as if an object that had long sat in that in spot had been recently removed. She felt a small tingle on the mark on her shoulder and was overcome by a feeling of familiarity.</p><p>"Minerva?" Severus repeated.</p><p>"It's nothing," she said as she turned around.</p><p>The pair made eye contact and Minerva could tell he didn't believe her excuse.</p><p>"What was there?" Severus asked the house elf.</p><p>"Did you remove anything from this room, Kreacher?" Sirius questioned.</p><p>"No, sir," Kreacher said with a low bow.</p><p>Technically, it wasn't a lie. Kreacher thought to himself. The traitorous whore had taken the locket from the room.</p><p>XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX</p><p>Later that evening Severus and Minerva were sitting in his room. Minerva was sitting on the bed reading the latest issue of The Pitch, the biggest Quidditch magazine in the world. She was keen on the Magpies having a good season but she knew Arrows had traded Ulster for a new keeper. It meant they'd be a force to reckon with if they could get their defense in line.</p><p>Tomorrow the two would be participating in the plan to move Potter from his Aunt's home to London. There would be two teams. The first team would would be a decoy. They'd leave as soon as the muggles were gone. Mienrva and Severus were both a part of the first team. Later, a second team would swoop in, collect Potter, and bring him to Grimmauld Place.</p><p>"I'm meeting with Oliver Wood tomorrow afternoon," Minerva explained. "He's expressed a desire to join the Order."</p><p>"Wood?" Severus replied mindlessly. "Isn't he bit thick?"</p><p>"Hardly," Minerva snapped. "He's a good lad."</p><p>Severus was sitting in a dusty armchair in the corner. He was looking at the photos from the Slug Cub scrapbook that Slughorn had failed to take with him during his hasty exit.</p><p>"You'll never guess who I ran into last night," Severus said.</p><p>"The Dark Lord," Minerva replied sarcastically without looking up from her magazine.</p><p>"Well, aside from him," Severus said as he flipped a page in the album.</p><p>She did not respond.</p><p>"None other than Horace Slughorn," Severus said with a slow drawl.</p><p>"Really? And was he - you know," Minerva asked.</p><p>"No," Severus said quickly. "They're really trying to recruit him. And he knows it. He snuck off in the middle of the night. He's on the run now."</p><p>"I wonder if he'd consider returning to Hogwarts?" Minerva said as she thought aloud. Slughorn was a competent teacher. He could be insufferable at times but he was certainly a skilled professor.</p><p>"And what then? I'd get the Defense post?" Severus said with a grin.</p><p>"Don't be silly," Minerva said quickly. "I'm suggesting we replace you. Perhaps we could bring him on in a limited capacity? Like a NEWT level elective alchemy course or a theorhetical elementals course? It's a pity we don't teach elementals anymore."</p><p>"Indeed," Severus agreed. "How many NEWT level subjects were there during your time as a student? Didn't you have like a whopping twenty NEWTs or something?"</p><p>"Seventeen," Minerva corrected without looking up. "But your point is well taken. Our cirriculam offerings have decreased."</p><p>"What was Hogwarts like then?" Severus asked. "Were you one of old Slughorn's Slug Club members?"</p><p>Minerva pulled a bookmark from the nightstand. She placed in the magazine and then carefully set the magazine down on the nightstand and folder her hands in her lap.</p><p>"Out with it," Minerva said sharply as she stared at him over the glasses that had fallen to the end of her nose.</p><p>Severus raised his eyebrow.</p><p>"Don't play dumb. It doesn't suite you," Minerva snapped. "Out with it. I know you've got something on your mind."</p><p>"There's a lot I don't know about you," Severus said honestly. "And the more I look the more questions arise."</p><p>"What do you mean by 'the more I look'?" Minerva responded as voice slowed. There was a beat.</p><p>"Between Dumbledore and the Dark Lord my life is all lies and cover ups," Severus explained. "Can we not have that with us?"</p><p>"What did you mean by 'the more I look'?" Minerva repeated her question.</p><p>XXXXXXXXXXX</p><p>"And you guarantee these work?" Sirius asked as he examined the small, fleshy piece that looked like a human ear.</p><p>Sirius had suspected the Weasley twins had been eavesdropping on the Order. After the outburst at the meeting earlier in the day, Sirius was keen to find out why Minerva was suspicious of Severus. However, it was obvious Severus had put sound dampening charms on his room. The twins had caught Sirius attempting to listen into the room earlier and they knew it was prime opportunity to sell a pair of extendable ears.</p><p>The twins had assured Sirius that the extendable ears were, in fact, foolproof. Sirius had gladly handed over a small pile of galleons for the listenting device. He had to admit, in the short time he'd gotten to know the twins he was highly impressed with their ingenuity.</p><p>XXXXXXXXXXXXX</p><p>"I allowed you access to Moody's file because I trusted you," Minerva said feeling betrayed. "You had no right to look at my personel file."</p><p>"I just want you to be open with me," Severus said.</p><p>"About what?" Minerva said as she stood up. She was fuming.</p><p>Crossing behind the bed she found herself standing face to face with Severus.</p><p>"Why do you have the mark?" Severus asked. "Why the scars? Who did this to you?"</p><p>He ran his hand along her forearm. She pulled her arms behind herself. She didn't want him anywhere near her at the moment.</p><p>"You don't understand what you're asking," Minerva said defensively. "You really don't understand what you're asking."</p><p>XXXXXXXXXXXXXX</p><p>Outside of the room, Sirirus was slowly lowering one of the extendable ears down toward the foot of the door. Holding the second ear close to his own he bagan to adjust the tuning dial. After few moments of static, he was able to narrow in on the noise in the room. He was shocked to hear two voices having what sounded like an argument.</p><p>XXXXXXXXXXXXXX</p><p>"Did you know who he was?" Severus said as he showed her the picture he'd found hidden in behind another photo in Slughorn's possession.</p><p>Minerva took the photograph from him and stared down at it.</p><p>"I know it's you," Severus said. "What are you not telling me?"</p><p>She did not reply. She ran her fingers across the photo as she stared at the two young people in it. It felt like it was entirely different lifetime.</p><p>"I just want to understand," he said pressing her for information.</p><p>She was avoiding eye contact. He couldn't tell if she was genuinely transfixed on the photo or intentionally delaying her response.</p><p>"Please," he said.</p><p>"You don't understand," she said angrily as she finally met his eyes.</p><p>"Then HELP ME understand," he shouted.</p><p>Outside, Sirius had heard enough. He summoned Kreacher and demanded that he open the door.</p><p>"You came into my life, uninvited I might add, and you introduce me to this part of you to gain my trust," Severus said angrily. "You expect me to trust you while you're running around with all of these secrets."</p><p>"I told you I was never a Death Eater," she replied in a raised voice. "And that's true."</p><p>"So what then? Were you imperioused? Were you a spy?" He shouted back at her.</p><p>"Frankly it's none of your damn business," she replied coldly.</p><p>He knew she was right. There was no reason he needed to know. She had never pressed him for informaiton or stories of his time as a Death Eater. Whenever something triggered a memory or a feeling of guilt she'd always tried to redirect him to his work. She would tell him there was goodness in him. She would try to convince to be kinder with students. And occassionally she would joke that Hogwarts was a penance for the past.</p><p>The door flew open and Sirius Black stepped into the room.</p><p>"What's going on here? Is he bothering you, Minerva?" Sirius asked as he eyed Severus.</p><p>"Get out," Severus said slowly without looking at Sirius.</p><p>"Everything is fine, Sirius," Minerva said unconvincingly. "Thank you for checking."</p><p>"It's alright if you don't trust him," Sirius urged. "I certainly don't."</p><p>"But I do trust him," she said sadly as she stepped away. "Goodnight Professor."</p><p>She bowed and walked out of the room with Sirius in tow. The door closed behind them leaving Severus alone.</p><p>XXXXXXXXXXXXX</p><p>In the corridor, Sirius was concerned about the argument he'd just interrupted.</p><p>"Minerva, if there's something I should know I think now would be a good time," he said.</p><p>She knew that he meant well and that whatever explanation she offered was likely going to raise suspicion.</p><p>"It's Hogwarts business," she lied. "A disagreement about the role of Head of House. Despite the war we still have a school to run."</p><p>Sirius nodded. He didn't fully buy her explanation but he knew it wasn't worth pressing for more information.</p><p>XXXXXXXXXXXXX</p><p>Severus couldn't sleep. He'd been laying in bed, staring at the ceiling for the better part of the last hour. He knew Minerva was right. Her past was none of his business. He wanted to know why it mattered to him. As he lay there with his eyes tracing the cracks in the plaster, an uncomfortable realisation dawned on him.</p><p>In 15 years Severus had never spoken openly to anyone about his pain, his guilt, nor his childhood. Dumbledore was all business and his discussion with Severus about the past only went as far as they could be used as a means to an end. Dumbledore didn't have the time to deal with Severus's theraputic needs. And he knew Dumbledore would never understand.</p><p>He suspected he wanted to know the details of Minerva's past out of some weakness to feel like he wasn't alone. As much as he'd lived his life of solitude as atonement for his past. After his years of self-punishment he felt he deserved someone to confide in that understood. He did feel that Minerva was the only one that could comprehend.</p><p>And it hurt deeply that she'd shut him out.</p><p> </p>
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